If you need me to need you to fuck, that fucks everything up

I've been wondering a lot of stuff lately
Wondering and thinking but seriously haven't got any anserws yet
But I shall write from only one

The subjects I've been pondering is this:
1.Does love exist, and if it does, why it has chosen to fail me every single time?

This will be a rant. Some of you may find this funny and so do I and so do I.

The feeling of love is purely made by your brains, not your heart or any other organ else than brains. Love is a brain chemical thingy! Mainly for re-producing new humans and raising them.
Once you feel falling in love, you do feel it in your heart and also in stomach (at least for me) but brains are the main culprit they make you feel so. Everything seems to go well, before you get too happy and will obtain a hit right at your face and also a bucket full of shit will rain upon you. Love apparently is not for me. Or then it's just the wackos I've found and fell for them...

Or atleast I do feel so. Of course I am not telling that this is the only abosulte way. It's just me pondering and wondering.

Pondering num. 2!
Relationship.

Most of my friends are dating. I am truly very happy for them! Because they deserve to be loved and theirs bf's and gf's are great!

But for me, the person who has serious problems with emotions and especially in expressing them, I find the whole dating very problematic can do it, but the other has to understand and deal with me. As I said before all the persons I've fallen for have been mentally very unstable but still they've been, well, lovely.
If someone wants to date me, they have to understand, that I am and have been broken many times, will not trust you right away, I am cold also very very very un-romantic and tend to keep a distance because of personal history I've built a barrier to protect me

Still for some, dating is hard and they will not do it. What I understand. I sometimes think also giving dating and romantic relationships up and start having one night stands which are a lot easier to deal with


For a nice ending, I shall tell about my cat, who is my only eternal love:

She's about 8-9yrs old and from Russia! She used to hate mankind but nowdays, she's more like a dog! Haha she's the cutest ever. Bought her from an animal shelter four years ago, and now she's living happily with me as the only cat
Her fav. food seems to be my fingers, we chat daily with her!
My apartment isn't really mine, it's Carmillas flat

I wuw her <3

With love and other nonsense
your truly
Faerytale
She's very smart too!